i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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