Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
