EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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