I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
