I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
