One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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