I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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