i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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