If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
