hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
