Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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