2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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