I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
