he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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