Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
