i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
