Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
