just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
