Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
