What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
