wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We need to rekindle our bromance
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
