I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
