I think my vagina is haunted
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
