But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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