I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
