ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
