this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
