I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
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I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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