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MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
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