coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
