so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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