are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
