Don't make out with my wife yet
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
