so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
