the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
