My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
