so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
