I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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