I wanna passion pit in your ass
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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