When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
