i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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