Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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