I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
