I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
