who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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