dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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