people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
