i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
