Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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