We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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