is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
