Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
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What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
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I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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