The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
