I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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