i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
