I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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