He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
