What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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