just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
