and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
