She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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