I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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