Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
