Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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