I think I won the penis lottery.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
