break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
