Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
