Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
