when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
