Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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