Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
