So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
