Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
